Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I FOUND THE LEGS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize