Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
