I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
