i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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