oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
