i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
