So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We are all done wearing pants today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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