Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
