before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
