he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
