you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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