When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
