We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
