actually, I'm a sock model
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
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