After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
