If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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