Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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