the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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