your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
