So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
