I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
