He uses pillows to masturbate.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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