C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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