1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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