Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
