Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
