i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
