just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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