I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
