I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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