I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This baby is an asshole
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
