Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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