I just pynch a tree in the face
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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