after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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