She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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