How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
