Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize