Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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