Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
