Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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