I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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