I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
smell my finger.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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