did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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