a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want her autograph on my taint
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
