Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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