He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize