I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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