I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am naked and annoyed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
