dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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