I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
