i already hear my dad disowning me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my being single is dangerous.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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