I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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