OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize