So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
