Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
