that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize