help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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