Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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