I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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