new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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