he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
