She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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