I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
