Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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