There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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