I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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