he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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