I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
