My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
