im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
