my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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