maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You smell like stripper and shame
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
