Kiss
Puke
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
