Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
no you cant smoke seaweed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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