So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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