How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
