some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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