these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
