Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
