Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
