i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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