I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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