Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
