be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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