I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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