i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
