; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Randomize
