Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
