Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
