She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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