his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
