Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
