Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So squirting runs in the family.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
