420 ftw
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
