The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's just like the Real World with babies
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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