You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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