Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
