You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
