dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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