She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
