so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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