yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
