I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
