3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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