And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
