i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize