If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
