Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Green mimosas i think yes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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